Love is all that matters...

Ok, so its corny as hell, but it is true - Love is really all that matters...

After spending my life holding my emotions inside, I am finally allowing myself to feel - and boy did I this weekend! I cried all through my step-sister's wedding!! It started when I saw her Dad and the look on his face when he saw her, and ended when they left the reception some 6 hours later!

 

I kept looking around at the couples (my own boyfriend was not there, as its still very early for us and he did not get an invite...) and the love they shared, the love of my step dad for his daughter, the love of our family members towards her (and myself in actual fact..) and I realised what I had shut myself out of...

I am an empath, I was born with this gift unknowingly (well, in body anyway) and have not understood it for much of my life. Unfortunately, when my Pop died a week after I was born and I was inundated with feelings of anger, hurt, betrayal, shame, guilt and sadness I did not know how to react. It turns out that this is the source of my heartburn I apparently had util I was 6 months old and the fact that I am an emotional cripple! The way I chose to deal with these emotions, and the intensity of them, was to cower from them. To hide away and not feel any at all because it is so intense and scary and I did not want to do that anymore. I was a baby, give me a break! Now I understand fully the ramifications of that choice and am taking steps to rectify it. Needless to say, I think it worked.

 

I looked around and realised that I did not have this in my life - true love. I have the potential sure, but I have not tapped into it out of fear based on my early experiences in life. Therefore, it has finally hit home what I am missing out on! I want to experiene this closeness with another person and I am determined to leap into the unknown (another issue I am working on) as I have realised that love really is the only thing that matters. If you don't have love, then you have nothing, or a whole bunch of superficial somethings...

Either way, I have opened myself up a little bit and this is what I have realised, so now I will endeavour to open myself up completely and enjoy the ride!