As part of my 'coming out' and revealing my true self to the world, I have recently created a website for my business and have included a blog there. If you get anything at all out of the posts on here, then hopefully you will get something out of that one! Follow the link below and happy reading!!
www.christiesspirithealing.com
love and blessings to you all!
Monday 6 April 2015
Sunday 30 November 2014
Love is all that matters...
Ok, so its corny as hell, but it is true - Love is really all that matters...
After spending my life holding my emotions inside, I am finally allowing myself to feel - and boy did I this weekend! I cried all through my step-sister's wedding!! It started when I saw her Dad and the look on his face when he saw her, and ended when they left the reception some 6 hours later!
I kept looking around at the couples (my own boyfriend was not there, as its still very early for us and he did not get an invite...) and the love they shared, the love of my step dad for his daughter, the love of our family members towards her (and myself in actual fact..) and I realised what I had shut myself out of...
I am an empath, I was born with this gift unknowingly (well, in body anyway) and have not understood it for much of my life. Unfortunately, when my Pop died a week after I was born and I was inundated with feelings of anger, hurt, betrayal, shame, guilt and sadness I did not know how to react. It turns out that this is the source of my heartburn I apparently had util I was 6 months old and the fact that I am an emotional cripple! The way I chose to deal with these emotions, and the intensity of them, was to cower from them. To hide away and not feel any at all because it is so intense and scary and I did not want to do that anymore. I was a baby, give me a break! Now I understand fully the ramifications of that choice and am taking steps to rectify it. Needless to say, I think it worked.
I looked around and realised that I did not have this in my life - true love. I have the potential sure, but I have not tapped into it out of fear based on my early experiences in life. Therefore, it has finally hit home what I am missing out on! I want to experiene this closeness with another person and I am determined to leap into the unknown (another issue I am working on) as I have realised that love really is the only thing that matters. If you don't have love, then you have nothing, or a whole bunch of superficial somethings...
Either way, I have opened myself up a little bit and this is what I have realised, so now I will endeavour to open myself up completely and enjoy the ride!
After spending my life holding my emotions inside, I am finally allowing myself to feel - and boy did I this weekend! I cried all through my step-sister's wedding!! It started when I saw her Dad and the look on his face when he saw her, and ended when they left the reception some 6 hours later!
I am an empath, I was born with this gift unknowingly (well, in body anyway) and have not understood it for much of my life. Unfortunately, when my Pop died a week after I was born and I was inundated with feelings of anger, hurt, betrayal, shame, guilt and sadness I did not know how to react. It turns out that this is the source of my heartburn I apparently had util I was 6 months old and the fact that I am an emotional cripple! The way I chose to deal with these emotions, and the intensity of them, was to cower from them. To hide away and not feel any at all because it is so intense and scary and I did not want to do that anymore. I was a baby, give me a break! Now I understand fully the ramifications of that choice and am taking steps to rectify it. Needless to say, I think it worked.
I looked around and realised that I did not have this in my life - true love. I have the potential sure, but I have not tapped into it out of fear based on my early experiences in life. Therefore, it has finally hit home what I am missing out on! I want to experiene this closeness with another person and I am determined to leap into the unknown (another issue I am working on) as I have realised that love really is the only thing that matters. If you don't have love, then you have nothing, or a whole bunch of superficial somethings...
Either way, I have opened myself up a little bit and this is what I have realised, so now I will endeavour to open myself up completely and enjoy the ride!
Realising your Inner Beauty
I have had a very interesting couple of weeks. Many issues have been healed or are still in the process of healing (32 years is a very long pattern to break - still, I'm thankful its not 62!!). I am writing this because I feel I need to share something with the world. Something that I am still coming to terms with and what may take a while to assimilate.
The issue is the portayal of beauty in society and how it has affected me. I have not realised how much of my life I spend comparing my own beauty to others and repressing the need to conform (I say repressing because I am determined not to!). I am torn between the feminist 'beauty is on the inside' and the social 'you must look like this to be beautiful'. Ok, so maybe the former may not necessarily be a feminist viewpoint, yet the meaning seems contrary to popular belief. Unfortunately for me, I fall into the 'popular' section of society at this time.
This has come about mainly due to a recent event in which I was the only overweight brunette in a wedding party of thin blonde women. I felt inadequate in my lumpiness and different in the fact that I was not a blonde. Worse, I have blue in my hair as well, which made me seem all the more distant. You might be saying here 'hey, that's awesome! you should be proud of your curves and hair!' etc etc, but before you do I would really like to explain something.
I have spent a major chunk of my life feeling like I needed to conform to the ideas of others about who I should be and what I should want out of life. I even allowed one group of friends to convine me to break up with my boyfriend in high school, one I really liked, based on what they thought the relationship should be. Ridiculous I know, but I did not at the time. Since then I have worked very hard to ignore this little voice telling me that I should do something a certain way etc etc and have worked on finding me. And I thought I had done a good job...
Turns out, I am still quite easily able to fall back into the old habits of pleasing others and conforming! Which now really pisses me off (but I am going to try not to beat myself up over it this time!) - I should, AND DO, know better! Still, I felt so nervous about 'making the cut' that I ended up almost giving myself a migraine! (yep... blurred vision and everything! All I can say is, thank you Reiki!) And how would that have gone down - bridesmaid gets migraine, ruins wedding! I do feel, as an empath, that I was picking up on the nerves and fears of some of the others in the bridal party (most notably the bride!!), but not all of it was theirs. I know this because as soon as I had my makeup and hair done, looked in the mirror and saw myself I was stunned! The transformation was amazing - and I don't usually say those things about myself, but the makeup artist was exactly that - an artist!
So I felt marginally better. But the nagging thing is still that I allowed myself to get so worked up in the first place! Why do we do this? Why are we - or more specifically ME - so concerned with fitting in and keeping up? Why is it that someone who is as self-aware as I am can allow themselves to be sucked back down to that level? I know there is more to beauty than what is on the outside, and yet I am still hesitant to gain strength from my own inner beauty and allow it to shine forth!! I do not know why this is, but I am sure there is something here about deservability and worthiness. I do know that I do not ever want to experience that again in my life, so I am going to focus on connecting with my inner beauty and perhaps working on making my own outer beauty more appealing to me... Not sure how yet, but I am sure the universe will guide me to what is best for my geatest good!!
I know think that some of this was from another bridesmaid, who is definitely in the 'conformist' camp! I first met her a few years back and recognised her as a kindred spirit. She was a flower child without a doubt! However, it seems that her years with pretentious, materialistic, shallow people has hampered her own spirit and it is struggling for air somewhere down near her toes!! She has conformed with their idea of blonde, beautiful, married, with a nice house and two cars, a couple of dogs (and she is a self-confessed cat person!). I look at her and pity her, which is definitely not what I should be doing, but I can't help it! She has allowed all of her true spirit to be squashed to the point of her becoming completely uptight! But, I digress - the issue here is that maybe she was feeling an intense need to conform to their idea of beautiful and I was picking up on her emotions? Maybe it was never me at all? I say this now, because when I had finished my hair and makeup she was doing hers as well - I am trying to remember the timeline, but it might fit... Also, there was a moment whe I was outside in the sun when it all disappeared. And there was the fact that when I looked at myself in the mirror at one stage I did not recognise my own reflection and actually thought to myelf 'I am not me!?' Anyway, it is an interesting proposition for me if this is true. In fact it may negate this blog entirely, yet I'll keep it as I am not sure... Still, it is a timely reminder to always stay grounded in yourself no matter what!!
I am not sure what to do about this now, thought I am painfully aware of the need for each individual to honour their own beauty, inside and out! More than ever, we should not compare ourselves to others as we do not know their journey, their purpose for being here this lifetime. We need to connect, and remain connected, to our own spirit and give those who are not as much love as possible... That's a good start, right??
The issue is the portayal of beauty in society and how it has affected me. I have not realised how much of my life I spend comparing my own beauty to others and repressing the need to conform (I say repressing because I am determined not to!). I am torn between the feminist 'beauty is on the inside' and the social 'you must look like this to be beautiful'. Ok, so maybe the former may not necessarily be a feminist viewpoint, yet the meaning seems contrary to popular belief. Unfortunately for me, I fall into the 'popular' section of society at this time.
This has come about mainly due to a recent event in which I was the only overweight brunette in a wedding party of thin blonde women. I felt inadequate in my lumpiness and different in the fact that I was not a blonde. Worse, I have blue in my hair as well, which made me seem all the more distant. You might be saying here 'hey, that's awesome! you should be proud of your curves and hair!' etc etc, but before you do I would really like to explain something.
I have spent a major chunk of my life feeling like I needed to conform to the ideas of others about who I should be and what I should want out of life. I even allowed one group of friends to convine me to break up with my boyfriend in high school, one I really liked, based on what they thought the relationship should be. Ridiculous I know, but I did not at the time. Since then I have worked very hard to ignore this little voice telling me that I should do something a certain way etc etc and have worked on finding me. And I thought I had done a good job...
Turns out, I am still quite easily able to fall back into the old habits of pleasing others and conforming! Which now really pisses me off (but I am going to try not to beat myself up over it this time!) - I should, AND DO, know better! Still, I felt so nervous about 'making the cut' that I ended up almost giving myself a migraine! (yep... blurred vision and everything! All I can say is, thank you Reiki!) And how would that have gone down - bridesmaid gets migraine, ruins wedding! I do feel, as an empath, that I was picking up on the nerves and fears of some of the others in the bridal party (most notably the bride!!), but not all of it was theirs. I know this because as soon as I had my makeup and hair done, looked in the mirror and saw myself I was stunned! The transformation was amazing - and I don't usually say those things about myself, but the makeup artist was exactly that - an artist!
So I felt marginally better. But the nagging thing is still that I allowed myself to get so worked up in the first place! Why do we do this? Why are we - or more specifically ME - so concerned with fitting in and keeping up? Why is it that someone who is as self-aware as I am can allow themselves to be sucked back down to that level? I know there is more to beauty than what is on the outside, and yet I am still hesitant to gain strength from my own inner beauty and allow it to shine forth!! I do not know why this is, but I am sure there is something here about deservability and worthiness. I do know that I do not ever want to experience that again in my life, so I am going to focus on connecting with my inner beauty and perhaps working on making my own outer beauty more appealing to me... Not sure how yet, but I am sure the universe will guide me to what is best for my geatest good!!
I know think that some of this was from another bridesmaid, who is definitely in the 'conformist' camp! I first met her a few years back and recognised her as a kindred spirit. She was a flower child without a doubt! However, it seems that her years with pretentious, materialistic, shallow people has hampered her own spirit and it is struggling for air somewhere down near her toes!! She has conformed with their idea of blonde, beautiful, married, with a nice house and two cars, a couple of dogs (and she is a self-confessed cat person!). I look at her and pity her, which is definitely not what I should be doing, but I can't help it! She has allowed all of her true spirit to be squashed to the point of her becoming completely uptight! But, I digress - the issue here is that maybe she was feeling an intense need to conform to their idea of beautiful and I was picking up on her emotions? Maybe it was never me at all? I say this now, because when I had finished my hair and makeup she was doing hers as well - I am trying to remember the timeline, but it might fit... Also, there was a moment whe I was outside in the sun when it all disappeared. And there was the fact that when I looked at myself in the mirror at one stage I did not recognise my own reflection and actually thought to myelf 'I am not me!?' Anyway, it is an interesting proposition for me if this is true. In fact it may negate this blog entirely, yet I'll keep it as I am not sure... Still, it is a timely reminder to always stay grounded in yourself no matter what!!
I am not sure what to do about this now, thought I am painfully aware of the need for each individual to honour their own beauty, inside and out! More than ever, we should not compare ourselves to others as we do not know their journey, their purpose for being here this lifetime. We need to connect, and remain connected, to our own spirit and give those who are not as much love as possible... That's a good start, right??
Sunday 2 November 2014
Veritas: The Nature of Truth
It's funny how the word 'truth' gets bandied around as if it makes what came before it fact for all people. It's funny how people also hide behind their 'truth' and use it as an excuse for their actions or for why they have not evolved. 'I have found truth, I'm done!!' It's funny how people use their truth as a tool to judge, discriminate and hold prejudices against people, most often without proof or personal experience of any kind. Ok, so funny may not be the right word here, but you get what I mean... This has started my own search for the meaning of truth and an understanding of how it works and why it is so important to us as individuals and society as a whole.
For me, Truth is a dynamic concept, changing depending on circumstance, experience and position. It is what it is based entirely upon the individual's own perceptions and experiences. True, the ideas of the individual can be formed based upon the ideas of the whole, as with religion or cultural ideals, but it is ultimately the responsibility of the individual to perpetuate certain truths.
People use truth, or truths, as a basis for their life philosophies which affect their actions and interactions with others. It is part of my personal truth to honour the Earth and keep it clean, not out of any belief in a mother Goddess or the spiritual nature of the land on which I walk, but as a need to help keep it habitable for future generations. This in turn guides my actions - I am always picking up rubbish in the playground at school. I do this for the Earth first and foremost, the idea of being an example to the students is secondary in my mind. But the philosophy of looking after the planet guides what I do in my daily practice.
Truth can also give you meaning and direction. I had none before I discovered my truth relating to the spiritual nature of my life. My belief in Reincarnation and Karma has helped me to understand why I am here, what I did to create these circumstances (in this life and past ones) and a road map for correction. I do not want to repeat past patterns, and understanding where they came from and the lessons involved helps me to break these and work toward being a better person.
But this still does not address the issue at hand - what is the nature of truth? We know it is changeable, being affected by the perspective of the individual, but there is way more to it.
Truth is a very wide concept, covering both negative and positive aspects of society. Truth can:
- hurt as well as heal
- be hidden or flaunted, and every variation between
- be used to control or set free
- be manipulated or spoken freely
- willingly changed or stubbornly adhered to
- used to a person's advantage or disadvantage
- lived and experienced or ignored
I am sure there are many more variations to the above characteristics, but one thing remains certain for me - honesty is always the best policy. I have recently entered into a very adult relationship where we both speak our truth in every circumstance. We have agreed not to take it personally, but accept that the other might think differently and work within these limitations. There have been many times in recent weeks where I have spoken a truth (diplomatically, of course!) I would once have hidden for fear of hurting the other person, and how refreshing is it! To be able to explain to the person exactly where your head is at (or your heart!), to be completely honest and know that the other person will accept it. There have been times (and probably more to come) where my truth has been challenged (both from him and within myself - mostly because when I speak a truth it seems completely ridiculous and I immediately find another that makes more sense!), but it has been done in a respectful manner. I return this favour to him when I feel I need to challenge his truth. Either way, the main idea remains the same - It is not personal, it's just how I feel at this time. We both understand and respect the changeable nature of truth and work within these limitations as well.
I feel it is important to have a healthy respect for truth and an understanding of how it works. Knowing this can help you to be more respectful of other people while still honouring your own truth. It is also important to understand that another person's truth is not a personal attack on you, but an entirely individual way of looking at things. If it goes against your own truth, discuss it as adults or leave the relationship - one should never actively try to make another's truth fit their own. Here's hoping more people have this same healthy respect......
For me, Truth is a dynamic concept, changing depending on circumstance, experience and position. It is what it is based entirely upon the individual's own perceptions and experiences. True, the ideas of the individual can be formed based upon the ideas of the whole, as with religion or cultural ideals, but it is ultimately the responsibility of the individual to perpetuate certain truths.
People use truth, or truths, as a basis for their life philosophies which affect their actions and interactions with others. It is part of my personal truth to honour the Earth and keep it clean, not out of any belief in a mother Goddess or the spiritual nature of the land on which I walk, but as a need to help keep it habitable for future generations. This in turn guides my actions - I am always picking up rubbish in the playground at school. I do this for the Earth first and foremost, the idea of being an example to the students is secondary in my mind. But the philosophy of looking after the planet guides what I do in my daily practice.
Truth can also give you meaning and direction. I had none before I discovered my truth relating to the spiritual nature of my life. My belief in Reincarnation and Karma has helped me to understand why I am here, what I did to create these circumstances (in this life and past ones) and a road map for correction. I do not want to repeat past patterns, and understanding where they came from and the lessons involved helps me to break these and work toward being a better person.
But this still does not address the issue at hand - what is the nature of truth? We know it is changeable, being affected by the perspective of the individual, but there is way more to it.
Truth is a very wide concept, covering both negative and positive aspects of society. Truth can:
- hurt as well as heal
- be hidden or flaunted, and every variation between
- be used to control or set free
- be manipulated or spoken freely
- willingly changed or stubbornly adhered to
- used to a person's advantage or disadvantage
- lived and experienced or ignored
I am sure there are many more variations to the above characteristics, but one thing remains certain for me - honesty is always the best policy. I have recently entered into a very adult relationship where we both speak our truth in every circumstance. We have agreed not to take it personally, but accept that the other might think differently and work within these limitations. There have been many times in recent weeks where I have spoken a truth (diplomatically, of course!) I would once have hidden for fear of hurting the other person, and how refreshing is it! To be able to explain to the person exactly where your head is at (or your heart!), to be completely honest and know that the other person will accept it. There have been times (and probably more to come) where my truth has been challenged (both from him and within myself - mostly because when I speak a truth it seems completely ridiculous and I immediately find another that makes more sense!), but it has been done in a respectful manner. I return this favour to him when I feel I need to challenge his truth. Either way, the main idea remains the same - It is not personal, it's just how I feel at this time. We both understand and respect the changeable nature of truth and work within these limitations as well.
I feel it is important to have a healthy respect for truth and an understanding of how it works. Knowing this can help you to be more respectful of other people while still honouring your own truth. It is also important to understand that another person's truth is not a personal attack on you, but an entirely individual way of looking at things. If it goes against your own truth, discuss it as adults or leave the relationship - one should never actively try to make another's truth fit their own. Here's hoping more people have this same healthy respect......
Thursday 30 October 2014
Halloween v Beltane: my social dilemma...
I need to get something out... Today is the 31st of October, and Halloween in the Northern Hemisphere. All day, and perhaps for most of the month, I have been hearing all this stuff about Halloween. Are you dressing up? Are you trick or treating? Buy this pumpkin and that fake spider and this ghost thing that witches hat (and this is another gripe of mine, but beyond the scope of what I am can currently dealing with)!! It is all very commercial, but this is not where my issue lies.
My real issue is that we are celebrating it at the wrong time of year! It is currently Beltane in the Southern Hemisphere! We should be celebrating this with a massive bonfire (perhaps controlled as we are currently in a high fire danger period) and a dance around the May Pole and sharing the love (not necessarily sexual either) and partying late into the night cause it's day light savings!!!! We should be honouring the return to power of the sun, not trick or treating and giving our lollies...
Don't get me wrong, I celebrate Halloween myself, and would love to see trick or treaters at my house! I'd give em all a full packet of Redskins... At the right time of year...
Why do we have to do it the same way as America and the Northern Hemisphere? I single out America only because it is the infusion of American culture into Australia that has caused this sudden rise in popularity of the holiday, nothing more... There is absolutely nothing stopping us adapting this holidays an doing it 'our way' based on our seasons... Nothing at all!!
Again, this goes against the initial reason for this post, and that was to work out why I am having so much trouble with the idea, so I'll rein it in a bit... It might be as simple as knowing the general public do not understand the reason for the holiday and we appear to be 'bandwagoners', which is something I loathe deeply. It may be that something that is held sacred by many is yet another casualty to captialism and consumerism which I also loathe... The Christians have had to deal with this for decades now, so perhaps I should ask them how they deal with it...
Advice from fellow pagans and other such wise people is to just let it go and enjoy it for what it is... 'Give me the courage to accept that which I cannot change' and all that... Perhaps I should take this advice and hope that next year I will find a way to cope better. Maybe getting out and actively involving myself in local Beltane rituals will also help...
I'll do both and see how it goes. I can't help but wonder how other people cope... Is this a problem for you too? I can't be the only one going through it now or ever... So, if you have ever felt this way, please let me know how you got through it? I'd love to hear your advice!!
Beltane Blessings!! xx
Monday 13 October 2014
Ultimate Source and the Concept of Deity
Having a look at the prompts for this week's Pagan Blog Project got me thinking about Ultimate Source and what it means to me. (I will say at this point, there is no intention to offend anyone or their beliefs through this post, so if you are easily offended I suggest you stop reading NOW!!) It also just so happens that I have been doing a lot of thinking about deity/ies and the idea of an ultimate creative source, how they relate and what they mean. The main reason is that I have really only connected with Kali and even then it appears to be short-lived (or perhaps I am doing my usual second guessing thing and questioning her continued presence through self-doubt, which is more than likely) but as yet the other deities appear elusive.
It got me thinking that if there is an ultimate source then why do we need to pray or connect to one single manifestation, if this is what they are - manifestations - then why don't we pray or connect straight with the ultimate source and acknowledge it as an asexual, conscious being in charge of all? For me, this source exists as creative potential in its purest form, so it can be whatever you want it to be and harness it however you want to harness it. (respectfully of course!) You could speak directly to this source and ask it for what you would like, leaving the how open and go from there. I have manifested many things in my life simply by asking (mostly as a fleeting thought) and letting go, perhaps this is why I have not connected in any long term way with a deity as simply asking the universe seems to work just as well (if not better) than performing ritual and/or spell casting. Or perhaps I am not trying hard enough? Perhaps I am not studying enough or meditating enough or experiencing enough? Perhaps I should second guessing and start experiencing expectation free? Who knows??
Don't get me wrong, I do believe the Gods exist in one form or another, mostly through the Collective Conscious, and I would never argue against their existence to anyone. For me at this time, deity exists as the creative potential and actualisation visible in the world around me - there are no mistakes in nature so there must be some force guiding nature. Could I just honour this and leave the archetypes alone??
(Comments welcome)
Personality Traits and Mirror Imaging
I know this is kind of cheating, but something came up recently that I feel I need to write about. A lot of people in this world will look at what others do and say or how they act and will react to this in a negative way. 'I hate it when she does this!' Or 'why can't he stop doing that to me!' It is interesting to me how any cases of this is actually mirror imaging!! How many times the traits that others exhibit are those exact traits they exhibit and secretly loathe about themselves.
(P.s - Sorry it's late!)
A friend of mine has recently discovered that most of the men in her life don't hear her, won't listen to what she says and what she wants. Most of these men have since left her life, her ex-husband being one of them. (and they spent 32 years together!) She left him for many reasons, but this being one of them, and has since attracted more men to her that don't listen to her. The entire visit I spent 'fighting' to be heard by her, every time I started to speak she'd cut in with something about her. When she asked for advice about something she did not listen to what I said, mostly because it was contrary to what she wanted to hear, but the other part I now know is that her own inability to listen was glaring me in the face! And for someone so enlightened and spiritually aware it seemed weird to me...
So, the next time you are faced with a trait that you find irritating or frustrating, before going off at the person and causing conflict, ask yourself - Does this person's trait annoy me because it is annoying or do I do this same thing and not like it about myself? I have done this many times since discovering it and I am now a better person (hopefully) for identifying and rectifying the situation when it arises. For one, I try not to be too opinionated as it annoys me when others are! This is the first of many I have already changed and not the last to be changed, I can assure you...
Personal growth is exhausting, but in the end worth it!!
So, the next time you are faced with a trait that you find irritating or frustrating, before going off at the person and causing conflict, ask yourself - Does this person's trait annoy me because it is annoying or do I do this same thing and not like it about myself? I have done this many times since discovering it and I am now a better person (hopefully) for identifying and rectifying the situation when it arises. For one, I try not to be too opinionated as it annoys me when others are! This is the first of many I have already changed and not the last to be changed, I can assure you...
Personal growth is exhausting, but in the end worth it!!
(P.s - Sorry it's late!)
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